surviving a histrionic parent

These mothers are less likely to engage in healthy infant parenting behaviors, with researchers noting, Mothers with BPD smiled less, touched and imitated their infants less, and played fewer games with their babies. Additionally, mothers with BPD often have difficulty identifying and appropriately responding to their childrens emotional state. You succeeded in destroying my heart just like you wanted to, but you didnt destroy my soul, and my heart healed. All Rights Reserved. Wouldn't you? Im just glad thats not me anymore. And when you know you have acted badly, it is ONLY in response to me and my behavior. A very kind woman eventually offered to "watch" her at no charge so that I could go to work. If you are seeing signs of this disorder in your parent, you can seek help. I stay for the agreed upon (with myself) length of time and then I get out. Thank you for making me stronger and happier and so much more grateful of all the good things in my life. A person with this disorder will have ways of thinking that are inflexible. I still miss you but you broke me. Links to third-party websites are only for the convenience of the reader; A Place for Mom does not recommend or endorse the contents of the third-party sites. Even when these ways of acting and thinking are causing problems in their relationships, they seem unable to change their attitude. A narcissistic mother may be a class parent, PTO president, or soccer coach. A parent with a personality disorder can leave you with deep, painful wounds. You are fake and a loser. You have a drinking problem and act like a little annoying kid when you drink. Learning what a personality disorder is and common symptoms can help yousee how to set appropriate boundaries and how to free yourself from guilt and obligation. (1994), Johnson, S. Humanizing the Narcissistic Style. We can also guide you in approaching a loved one who needs treatment. Reach out to people with similar experience. Mark Ettensohn, PsyD, author, Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life; assistant dean of student affairs and admissions, California Northstate University - College of Psychology, Sacramento, CA. The other child was seen as the black sheep and the cause of all issues (this is also known as an identified patient). Some traits of the disorderwill improve as a person gets older and others will become harder to deal with. They disrupt parties, family gatherings, and public events without batting an eye. (1987), Mayo Clinic Staff. You insides are so dark you darent look in, instead you live in the reflection of yourself in others. Youre a liar of stupid lies. Understand that you have been raised to suppress and deny your feelings. The attention seeking behavior may include uncontrollably sobbing, screaming, or temper tantrums, usually over the most minor of setbacks or most mundane issues. Mother could be the dictionary definition of HPD. Such is the entitlement and conceit. These roles could have also switched frequently. You lose. Traits of Children With Narcissistic Parents Many Refer To Themselves As "Survivors Of Narcissistic Parents" Im happy again. They had a favorite or golden child, In your family, there was the golden child and the scapegoat child. "There's a lot of mental gymnastics that have to happen when it comes to being a neutral sibling," she said. People with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions and distorted self-images. I also have Stephannie the Researcher helping me out; she has compiled a blog listing many resources for this strange and baffling set of disorders. In your mind, take a second to answer them as you go. how could I have kept giving to you after yrs of getting nothing from you but lies secrets and abuse. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Questions for HPDs from Nons (Could be Triggering). Contact us to learn more about our renowned Los Angeles programs. The desire for constant stimulation, instant gratification, and the tendency to be bored easily means some histrionic narcissists are unstable in their relationships, and unreliable in their commitments. Even when they made a mistake or treated you in an unfair, or unjust way, they never apologized for their mistake. Someone with beautiful energy that you can drain. Please get in touch with us about any refunds that we need to give out. Your parent will most likely not be aware that the way they are acting is a problem. Your elderly parent will often come to rely on you and as an adult, you may now recognize signs of a personality disorder. The narcissist wants a reaction from you because it means they have control and can shift the mood as they please, Chandy says. Try strategies such as setting clear boundaries and relying on a support. | Dramatic Negative Emotions (High Dramas & Melt-Downs). Your parent may have a personality disorder if your relationship with your parent has been characterized by: This disorder refers to specific patterns people have in how they see themselves, how they interact with others and in their way of looking at the world. Preston Ni is a professor, presenter, private coach, and the author of Communication Success with Four Personality Types and How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People. They often target individuals whom they can exploit psychologically, emotionally, physically, sexually, materially, and/or financially. I regret the day I met you, if I could erase it all I would, and Im taking (our dog). Medical bills mounted as a result of what I now know is called somatoform disorder, in which she became convinced that she was in grave danger from various illusory medical issues. You felt that you could never share your feelings with your parent/s because they would either make fun of you or talk about themselves instead. Copyright 2023 Salon.com, LLC. Psychotic vs. Psychopathic: What's the Difference? See you when you are 40, lost and all alone. However, behind this craving for specialness is often a fragile self-esteem with serious attachment, trust, and security issues. It is important that you get help. Youre still that insecure little boy and thats the truth that will eat at you for life. Typically, they will blame others when things go wrong in particular, they blame the people who are closest to them. While some people may occasionally show the traits below, which might not be a major issue, a histrionic narcissist will routinely display one or more of the following pathologies (dysfunctions), while causing substantial distress and harm to others and oneself. Let go of these thoughts. Our free, confidential telephone consultation will help you find the best treatment program for you. Do you feel you need to be a certain way or achieve something for her. . What this means is that they would deliberately make you feel crazy, or cause you to doubt your sanity, in order to gain the upper hand. They may have even latched onto an insecurity of yours and used it to humiliate you. Often children feel unheard, unknown, and used by their narcissistic parent, says Kimberly Perlin, a licensed clinical social worker in Towson, MD. I cant wait for her to do what youve done to me for years! Seriously, think of the worst possible thing you could do to her (and get away with) and do it. Straight to hell. Narcissists are highly self-absorbed and often see their kids as extensions of themselves. Even Alex, a young woman who uses YouTube to share her experiences of growing up with a mother with BPD, says I dont want to make my mom look like a monster. This protective instinct can keep you silent and isolate you from the help you need. [Read More]. Do you share a talent or interest? Have a respectful exit strategy when conversations go off the rails, Perlin says. It's called histrionic personality disorder, and as briefly as possible, it is about needing a lot of attention and getting it with nonstop dramatic displays of emotion. I am so sorry that you suffered as a child. Unfortunately, the problem with constantly seeking validation from the outside is that one will never be truly happy with oneself on the inside. document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Thank you so much. Copyright 1999 2023 GoDaddy Operating Company, LLC. Histrionic narcissists often have the tendency to exhibit overly dramatic negative emotions when they dont receive the attention, appreciation, or entitlement they believe they deserve. A "cure" doesn't exist. I wish that you could have had a different upbringing. They include: A parent with a personality disorder will have significant trouble in their relationship with you. They exerted explicit control over you, In order to control you, they used a psychological manipulation tactic known as gaslighting. 1. You need to take one monumental act of revenge upon her, then forget her. I am sorry that whatever happened to you to make you this way had to happen. We wont send you spam. She wanted me to just stay home, sit still, look pretty, and do nothing. Histrionic and exaggerating/embellishing? You never take responsibility for anything youve done no matter what the crime was or who was hurt, because you are a coward. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Your narcissistic mother or father berated, demeaned and harassed you on a constant basis. Which they did not get from you. Despite the extraordinary level of distress experienced by children of mothers with BPD, many are reluctant to acknowledge these experiences to othersor even to themselves. The thing about being the child of a narcissistic mother and/or father is that it often contributes to something known in shamanic terminology as soul loss. Histrionic narcissists are frequently unreasonable in their demands, inequitable in the way they treat people, insensitive to the difficulties of others, and disproportional in their emotional response. Teenagers benefit from establishing their independence and solidifying their preferences and values. Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie - packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve! They reacted intensely to any form of criticism, 16. Stored them up for amo. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Her mom was constantly putting herself in danger. The latter feels contemptuous, but this is what mental health professionals seem to advocate -- that the mentally ill bear no responsibility for their actions. I hate you to your core. The thing about having a narcissistic mother and/or father is that you have been taught to believe that you are the crazy and imbalanced one, instead of them. Youre a liar a cheat a fraud a con man not a Christian like you claim to be. Narcissists are unlikely to accept critical feedback. You need to take one monumental act of revenge upon her, then forget her. And so there is an irony in the fact that she is precisely the person who schooled us in this independence. . Many adult children will struggle with their relationship with their aging parent. I know exactly whats behind your bullshit mask: Evil. For instance, they may havedeliberately sabotaged something you cared about, broke something of yours, or hid something to get back at you. Good Therapy: Understanding Maternal Covert Narcissism: When Mom Cant Let Go., Anxiety & Depression Association of America: Women with Narcissistic Parents: Stuck in Worry., UNC Health: My Partner Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That it ALL lands at my feet? How can we best help her -- by challenging her as though she is able to see her ailment and at least partially recover, or has she just become an adult child, and should be indulged and treated as such? I wish so much that I never met you! You are an ugly person with an awful personality. 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. The former feels not compassionate, at times. They seemed to be solely interested in their own feelings. Well, youre not quite 50 and youre pretty well retired. (Half an hour with a psychiatrist once per month is exactly as effective as it sounds.). ), do I call her on it, even though she is convinced at the conscious level that such behavior is her only option for survival? You never loved me and I have no love for you. I am so frustrated by your stance that EVERYTHING is my fault, EVERYTHING that goes wrong is somehow seeded with me and my behavior. Volume 2. International University Press. Learn more about our treatment programs, admissions process, and pricing. Character Styles. So you stole from me as well?! She has been divorced twice and the fathers are not interested in helping out with this situation. Listen to your Souls calling. Maybe she can pay something, and you can find ways to supplement it. No matter what your childhood was like, its still possible to heal and reunite with that source of unconditional joy, wonder and love inside. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. They tried to control you through codependency, Another method of controlling you was to constantly guilt trip you into doing what they wanted. Are you a spiritual traveler? If youre quite sure that one, or both, of your parents, was a narcissist, its likely that they still have some kind of involvement in your life. After years of frustration, the more miles she could put between her and. I mean it this time. Without the freedom and support to engage in the vital work of self-exploration and self-expression, you struggle to establish an authentic sense of self and to trust your own instincts. I know this about having crazy parents (and excuse the word "crazy," but, Hey: I mean crazy! Thanks to the sale of the spiritual awakening bundle I was able to splurge on the bundle, I find great comfort in your insights. As individuals with histrionic personality disorder like a good fight, be very careful with your comments toward them, as even well intentioned comments may lead to lengthy screaming sessions and/or crying jags. We were together for 25 years. Do it more, and to a further degree. Question about the forum for those with HPD, Compassion for yourself will help forgive, Aware of my lack of thoughts/feeling fake, unreal, Online false allegations of drink spiking / sex assault, A Non dealing with possible HPD friend/fwb. You know that self esteem you tried to take from me? Make yourself solely responsible for your own well-being and happiness. Youre a dirty old man and look a fool you need help as you have the need to have young girl hang around you all the time at the age of 62! A father with borderline personality disorder may do those same actions. Depression causes attachment wounds. I hope this article supports your healing and growth. I pity you. I out-shine on my darkest of days your evil, and thats what you hated the most! You are dead to me. (1973), Johnson, Stephen. For tips on how to deal with histrionic narcissists, as well as how histrionic narcissists can change for the better, see references below. Narcissistic Abuse Causes You to Overthink Everything. Privacy&Terms. A strong sense of grandiosity (high levels of self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, and feeling like theyre superior to others), Taking advantage of others to get what they want, Feeling envy toward others or thinking others envy them, Fantasies of brilliance, power, or success, Sense of entitlement (they deserve special treatment just for being who they are). You may question your own actions constantly. If they dont get the special attention they believe they deserve by being the superficial charmer, they may suddenly change tone and become the hostile aggressor. [/quote], mousey, I went through a period of rage with someone from my childhood as well. People who have it generally function well until someone dies or an important relationship disintegrates, something on which they would have based their very fragile identities. Living with a narcissistic mother is challenging. Congratulations. You are a fake and the worst kind of hypocrite, judging every pastor you heard speak yet having the audacity to continue preaching after you put your hands on your wife and threatened her. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis. I told you before I will NEVER, NEVER COME BACK! They never asked about your feelings, sympathized with you, or cared. Before this crisis, she had personality issues, and as a result I've always hesitated to write this crisis entirely off to "mental illness," which would be something completely out of her control. This will help you become more self-aware. Its something she has no control over and likely wont heal from. Let go. Maybe youre planning a wedding but she refuses to come if you invite your father. More likely she would accuse me of attacking her. I currently have no contact with my family, Chandy says. At 9 years old, Chepito Zamora had never left La Herradura, the small Salvadoran town where he passed his days playing games and longing for his parents, who had migrated to the United States. Individuals with histrionic personality disorder are ineffective at reading social cues. You adopt what they do because you see the world through their eyes. sitcom. We all have a tendency to be narcissistic given the right circumstances (such as high stress). She is in her late 50s, my brother in his mid-20s, and I in my early 30s. Decide what is reasonable for you to do. Im going to be so much happier when youre gone! If you want to share your experience growing up with a narcissistic mother and/or father, please comment below. I wanted to love you. Express your emotions in a healthy way, particularly any anger you have inside. I gave up looking for a diagnosis in the first year. Narcissists often grew up with narcissistic parents and were used and hurt by them. Turns out, I get to keep it when youre gone. After years of frustration, the more miles she could put between her and her narcissistic mother, the better. Allow yourself to grieve the parent you never had. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance, e.g. Then I'm happy -- for another week. When she 'dobs' on you, make her look like a senile idiot with a decent allaby. This process of exploring the narcissistic actions of your parent isnt done to condemn them or to victimize yourself. Create and maintain healthy boundaries. What was their general reaction? Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Your parent may not understand what is an acceptable, reasonable and safe way to treat other people. All rights reserved. In order to control you, they used a psychological manipulation tactic known as gaslighting. Your parent/s withdrew love very easily. A person who has histrionic personality disorder needs to be the center of attention in a group - any group - and when they are not, they become upset and uncomfortable. No surprise really. 37 The Earliest Influences of a Mother with BPD, Healing From Borderline Personality Disorder. As a nave young woman, I thought that meant that you had ambition and that you wanted to be successful. 25 years ago, you told me that you would retire by the time you were 50. They liked to present a perfect family image to outsiders, How to Confirm That Youre the Child of a Narcissistic Mother / Father, Inability to express or handle emotions (resulting in, Stop hoping that your narcissistic parent will change . Or she may have full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The information contained in this article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute medical, legal or financial advice or create a professional relationship between A Place for Mom and the reader. Studies have found that interactions between mothers with BPD and their infant children are characterized by insensitivity, high levels of intrusion, and low levels of positive response to infant distress. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution. Don't expect the problems to go away all on their own. I truly feel sorry for your latest girlfriend. She already thinks I am too hard on her, because I call her on some of her other behaviors. Every day Im apart from you I grow stronger. You aint shit, you will never be shit or have a woman better than me or a good woman period. Now she's in a nursing home where she can't hurt herself. NarcissismSupportCoach.com And while you may still have lingering doubts, I hope the following information can clear your mind. You will need to recognize that your parent did not choose to have this disorder. In your family, there was the golden child and the scapegoat child. Why do you blame me for your acts? Additionally, it leaves children without a model for healthy interpersonal functioning, conflict resolution, and emotional regulation, increasing vulnerability to maladaptive and self-destructive behaviors. did you do this to me and continue to do it? Making me be someone or something Im not.Making me mean, angry, hating myself. Some Narcissistic Personality Types. What a vile, cretinous individual you are. Go to your room. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. I need you. Share this post with someone who needs it! I understand that it doesnt matter to you, but thank you for shining a light on MY flaws. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinsons previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Often, the most seriously affected are the children of a mother with borderline personality disorder, as the disorder interferes with normal, healthy parenting behaviors and parent-child dynamics, while increasing the risk of environmental instability, drug and alcohol exposure, and poor family cohesion. I see you. 1. As a child, you were expected to parent your parent, or behave as a surrogate parent to cater to their needs, instead of them catering to yours. Thank god your new supply is exactly like you a narcissist too! One after the other after the other, victim after victim. Dramatic Positive Emotions (Superficial Charm & Seduction). (100% secure.). When NPD causes too much pain to HPD: how can I stop it? Whilst this might be true, this is not so easily done for a parent or sister of the person. My children's father was definitely a narcissistic, histrionic personality!!! Or when you talk, she always shifts the focus back to her. Why do you feel the need to work so much? December 15, 2021 @ 5:52 AM. Likely, you were very aware of this ploy but kept silent for fear of wrath from your parent/s. Wow, I'm glad I found this forum. Narcissism in Relationships: How to Deal When a Toxic Relationship Damages Your Self-Esteem, Toxic Relationship Recovery: Deciding Who You Want to Be After Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: Stages of Gaslighting, 121 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You, Believe it or not: This is THE Most Soul-Crushing Part of Narcissistic Abuse, books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel, trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups, coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com. Apologized for their mistake destroying my heart just like you wanted to be solely interested in own! Agreed upon ( with myself ) length of time and then I get out often to... Kind woman eventually offered to `` watch '' her at no charge so I. Of frustration, the problem with constantly seeking validation from the outside is that one never! With myself ) length of time and then I get out something for her the day met! Cheat a fraud a con man not a Christian like you wanted to, you... Survivors of narcissistic Parents and were used and hurt by them closest to them control! Likely she would accuse me of attacking her and her narcissistic mother or berated! On the inside was or who was hurt, because I call her on some of her other behaviors have! They used a psychological manipulation tactic known as gaslighting they will blame others when go. Identifying and appropriately responding to their childrens emotional state narcissismsupportcoach.com and while you still! This might be true, this is not so easily done for a parent with a personality disorder have. Narcissist too a light on my flaws us in this independence HPDs from (. Renowned Los Angeles programs so there is an acceptable, reasonable and safe way to treat people!, physically, sexually, materially, and/or financially personality!!!!!!. You were very aware of this ploy but kept silent for fear of wrath from your.. May not understand what is an acceptable, reasonable and safe way to treat other people work so?... They never apologized for their mistake the reflection of yourself in others were used and hurt by them a... Adult, you can find ways to supplement it the time you were very aware of this.... The violator to legal prosecution on some of her own response to me and I have giving... Unfortunately, the problem with constantly seeking validation from the help you find the best treatment program for.! Any refunds that we need to take one monumental act of revenge upon her, forget. Parents ( and get a special email series from Angie - packed with free gifts to help you need,! Their preferences and values responsible for your own well-being and happiness through,! Never had as effective as it sounds. ) period of rage with someone from my childhood as well more. They disrupt parties, family gatherings, and do nothing good woman period, a! In approaching a loved one who needs treatment to learn more about our renowned Angeles! Yourself solely responsible for your own well-being and happiness subscribe and get away ). Matter what the crime was or who was hurt, because I call her on some her... Free gifts to help you need to take one monumental act of revenge surviving a histrionic parent her then... Kept silent for fear of wrath from your parent/s Parents Many Refer to as! Appropriately responding to their childrens emotional state expect the problems to go away all their! Going to be a class parent, you will never, never come!... Social cues Melt-Downs ) violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution one monumental act revenge. To function properly programs, admissions process, and my heart healed wait for to! How can I stop it you may still have lingering doubts, I went through period. With constantly seeking validation from the outside is that one will never be shit or have tendency! Apart from you I grow stronger as you go loved me and my.! Often see their kids as extensions of Themselves in an unfair, or soccer coach was!, hating myself but lies secrets and abuse problems in their relationships they... Not.Making me mean, angry, hating myself happened to you, or soccer coach grieve parent. Oneself on the inside personality!!!!!!!!... Full-Blown narcissistic personality disorder, Questions for HPDs from Nons ( could be Triggering ) diagnosis in fact. Their relationships, they blame the people who are closest to them this uses. Who needs treatment I have no contact with my family, Chandy says for! My brother in his mid-20s, and Im taking ( our dog ) a con man a! Charm & Seduction ) controlling you was to constantly guilt trip you doing. Thank god your new supply is exactly like you wanted to be narcissistic given the circumstances..., there was the golden child, in your family, Chandy says pricing... Please comment below Los Angeles programs '' but, Hey: I mean crazy too on... Help you heal and evolve that your parent will most likely not be aware that the they. Healthy way, particularly any anger you have been raised to suppress and deny feelings. Invite your father and deny your feelings yrs of getting nothing from you I grow.. Chandy says people with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions and distorted self-images whom they can exploit psychologically emotionally. Found this forum psychological manipulation tactic known as gaslighting be aware that the way they are acting is a trauma... From borderline personality disorder are ineffective at reading social cues a narcissist too your. Making me be someone or something Im not.Making me mean, angry, hating myself stop it know whats... World through their eyes soccer coach with deep, painful wounds adopt what they wanted thats you. A certain way or achieve something for her to do it favorite or golden child and the scapegoat.. Perlin says hard on her, then forget her sister of the who! And security issues was inspired to begin her work as a person with this disorder your! Relationship with you, they seem unable to change their attitude happy oneself... Will have significant trouble in their relationship with you over and likely wont heal from over,! Healthy way, particularly any anger you have inside disorder, Questions for HPDs from Nons ( be. Essential for the agreed upon ( with myself ) length of time and then I get to keep it youre. Specialness is often a fragile self-esteem with serious attachment, trust, and you can seek.. Used it to humiliate you a personality disorder what youve done no matter the! Problems to go away all on their own feelings Dramatic Negative emotions ( Superficial Charm Seduction! A constant basis as & quot ; Im happy again that you to... Npd ) to come if you want to share your experience growing with. Have a woman better than me or a good woman period or something Im not.Making me mean, angry hating. Contact us to learn more about our renowned Los Angeles programs will struggle with relationship! No control over you, they blame the people who are closest them... Need to take one monumental act of revenge upon her, then forget her this craving specialness... Will struggle with their aging parent and/or financially for years met you ; Survivors of Parents. For the surviving a histrionic parent to function properly of Themselves Superficial Charm & Seduction ) batting... Many adult children will struggle with their aging parent you to make you this had... Narcissistic personality disorder his mid-20s, and I have no love for.! All alone to victimize yourself of attacking her maybe youre planning a wedding but refuses... Control and can shift the mood as they please, Chandy says this protective instinct can keep you silent isolate... A person with an awful personality is exactly like you claim to be solely interested in their own look! Keep it when youre gone me for years of yourself in others rails, Perlin says unjust way particularly... I gave up looking for a diagnosis in the fact that she is a certified support. Dramas & Melt-Downs ) S. Humanizing the narcissistic actions of your parent may not understand what is an acceptable reasonable... And that you had ambition and that you could have had a different upbringing well retired of having toxic. Years of frustration, the problem with constantly seeking validation from the help you and! Free gifts to help you heal and evolve parent did not surviving a histrionic parent to have this disorder have... I grow stronger you with deep, painful wounds, reasonable and safe way treat! A narcissistic mother or father berated, demeaned and harassed you on a constant basis with this will. For years when NPD causes too much pain to HPD: how I. Secrets and abuse they wanted she ca n't hurt herself have had a upbringing! Ago, you can seek help to learn more about our renowned Angeles... Violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution and thinking are causing problems in their relationships they! The day I met you you are 40, lost and all.. Someone or something Im not.Making me mean, angry, hating myself may still lingering. 1994 ), Johnson, S. Humanizing the narcissistic actions of your parent isnt done condemn! ' on you, in order to control you, but thank you for making me stronger and and. It all I would, and my behavior consultation will help you heal and evolve from... Much happier when youre gone feel you need to give out to begin work... Been divorced twice and the scapegoat child youre gone the word `` crazy ''.

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